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Title : Stay in Your Lane is the New Reach for the Stars
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Stay in Your Lane is the New Reach for the Stars

Stay in your lane, they say, like that's a bad thing. Why is that bad? Quite frankly, at this point in my life I relish the permission to stay in my lane instead of being told to reach for the stars.

I don't mean to sound sad or cynical, but I'm closing in on 40 and it's time to get pragmatic and real about shit. 

For me, at least, my 20s sucked.  Everyone said they were supposed to be amazing, which only made them suck more. I had zero self esteem. My 20s were all about making decisions of which I would then reap the consequences (good bad or indifferent) in my 30s. My 30s were the lived-out fallout from the decisions of my 20s, and the fact is that mostly good stuff happened, at least on paper if not in my own fucked-up head.

Now that I'm about to be 40, I feel like it's time to come to terms with the fact that certain things just aren't going to happen for me. I'm not going back to medical school to be just like my mom. I'll never weigh ten pounds less unless I get Ebola. I'm not going to be a great artist or an astontaut, or take some huge emotional or financial risk in the name of love or money.

Basically, I'm going to be a mommy blogger, a decent lawyer, and a good friend. I hope to be a mommy until I die but I am not sure how much longer I will be a blogger. 

This blog started as creative therapy and has brought me a lot of joys, both quantifiable and not. On the other hand, it's led to a need for external validation that is dizzying in its lows and highs, and which in the final accounting likely bodes poorly for my psyche. So we will see.

For now, I'm over reaching for the stars, and since I am naturally risk averse, there is no need for anyone to move over. 

I am staying in my lane, and I couldn't be more sure about anything in my life.

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