Loading...
Title : I Just Deadass Found Mr. Right for One Very Lucky Juneau Girl
link : I Just Deadass Found Mr. Right for One Very Lucky Juneau Girl
I Just Deadass Found Mr. Right for One Very Lucky Juneau Girl
I like to think of myself as a generous person. So when I stumbled across this ad on Juneau Craigslist, my first thought was to share it with the world and the one Juneau woman—(I know you’re out there!)—who’s lucky enough to land Mr. Right.Now, I suppose I could ditch the father of my children who does 99.9% of all childcare and domestic duties, chaperones every school field trip, heaps praise on my naked body 24/7, and brings me coffee while I’m getting ready for work to get “used like a toy” by a newly single, “almost fit” alcoholic smoker with his “own place” AND his “own shit.”
WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER.
As tempting as that is, I think I’ll have to pass basically for logistical reasons, not the least of which is I would first need to lose10 20 30 35 pounds to meet this man’s weight criteria.
The other problem (at least for me) would be his promise to “get aggressive” when he “want[s] to get off,” which frankly sounds a tiny bit threatening? See, I grew up in the 80’s, so my standards for foreplay and follow-through land somewhere between the Patrick Swayze/Jennifer Jason Leigh cabin scene in Dirty Dancing and the car scene in Say Anything. Your pretty standard soft-core meat and potatoes stuff, in other words.
On the other hand, “treat[ing] [his] lady like a queen on the norm” sort of offsets the fear factor, making me think that he reserves his most hostile interactions for the bedroom and “on the norm” he’s carrying you around on a rickshaw, feeding you grapes, fanning you with palm fronds, and calling you “her majesty” while "yore" draped in jewels and a tiara.
Note too his use of “yore.”
A man who can distinguish your, you’re, and yore and also knows where to put an apostrophe is about as important to me as a woman who weighs 110 pounds and acts like a corpse in bed is to this bro. So for that reason alone, we wouldn’t be a great match, I’m afraid.
However, sex robots and realistic sex dolls are on trend right now, and part of me wonders if maybe an inanimate silicone woman ala Andrew McCarthy in Mannequin (I'm showing my age with the 80's movie references!) is what this guy really needs. He says he wants to move you around AS IF you were a doll, but if you were a REAL doll, you wouldn’t need to worry as much about bruising or grammar.
And while I take issue with his characterization of late 30’s as “older,” I have to agree that he “has gone on for long enough.” We know all we need to know here, amirite ladies?
Surely one of you out there is ready to get treated like a queen “on the norm” and a toy in the sack. If you’re made out of a plastic polymer and can’t read or respond to this post, please have your sentient owner do so on your behalf, although Mr. Right is feeling like he might want kids soon, which I’m gonna go ahead and guess could be problem if your uterus is made out of polyethylene.
As tempting as that is, I think I’ll have to pass basically for logistical reasons, not the least of which is I would first need to lose
The other problem (at least for me) would be his promise to “get aggressive” when he “want[s] to get off,” which frankly sounds a tiny bit threatening? See, I grew up in the 80’s, so my standards for foreplay and follow-through land somewhere between the Patrick Swayze/Jennifer Jason Leigh cabin scene in Dirty Dancing and the car scene in Say Anything. Your pretty standard soft-core meat and potatoes stuff, in other words.
On the other hand, “treat[ing] [his] lady like a queen on the norm” sort of offsets the fear factor, making me think that he reserves his most hostile interactions for the bedroom and “on the norm” he’s carrying you around on a rickshaw, feeding you grapes, fanning you with palm fronds, and calling you “her majesty” while "yore" draped in jewels and a tiara.
Note too his use of “yore.”
A man who can distinguish your, you’re, and yore and also knows where to put an apostrophe is about as important to me as a woman who weighs 110 pounds and acts like a corpse in bed is to this bro. So for that reason alone, we wouldn’t be a great match, I’m afraid.
However, sex robots and realistic sex dolls are on trend right now, and part of me wonders if maybe an inanimate silicone woman ala Andrew McCarthy in Mannequin (I'm showing my age with the 80's movie references!) is what this guy really needs. He says he wants to move you around AS IF you were a doll, but if you were a REAL doll, you wouldn’t need to worry as much about bruising or grammar.
And while I take issue with his characterization of late 30’s as “older,” I have to agree that he “has gone on for long enough.” We know all we need to know here, amirite ladies?
Surely one of you out there is ready to get treated like a queen “on the norm” and a toy in the sack. If you’re made out of a plastic polymer and can’t read or respond to this post, please have your sentient owner do so on your behalf, although Mr. Right is feeling like he might want kids soon, which I’m gonna go ahead and guess could be problem if your uterus is made out of polyethylene.
Thus Article I Just Deadass Found Mr. Right for One Very Lucky Juneau Girl
That's an article I Just Deadass Found Mr. Right for One Very Lucky Juneau Girl This time, hopefully can give benefits to all of you. well, see you in posting other articles.
You are now reading the article I Just Deadass Found Mr. Right for One Very Lucky Juneau Girl with the link address https://wordcomes.blogspot.com/2017/10/i-just-deadass-found-mr-right-for-one.html
0 Response to "I Just Deadass Found Mr. Right for One Very Lucky Juneau Girl"
Post a Comment