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Title : Iditarod Doping Scandal: Exclusive Interview With “Dog X”
link : Iditarod Doping Scandal: Exclusive Interview With “Dog X”
Iditarod Doping Scandal: Exclusive Interview With “Dog X”
Iditarod race officials announced Monday that four-time Iditarod champion Dallas Seavey was the musher whose dogs tested positive for a prohibited opioid painkiller in the 2017 race. -Alaska Dispatch News, October 23, 2017
Seavey responded with an impassioned statement on YouTube denying the allegations and withdrawing from the 2018 race in protest. Now, one of the dogs on Seavey’s team—who agreed to bark/howl on the condition of anonymity—has granted an exclusive interview to O.H.M.
Seavey responded with an impassioned statement on YouTube denying the allegations and withdrawing from the 2018 race in protest. Now, one of the dogs on Seavey’s team—who agreed to bark/howl on the condition of anonymity—has granted an exclusive interview to O.H.M.
“Dog X,” through famed veterinarian and canine translator Dr. Doolittle, gives his unique perspective on the scandal:
O.H.M.: So let’s just cut to the chase, so to speak. Is there any truth to these allegations?
Dog X: Look, I’m gonna have to back my musher 100% on this, just as I do out on the trail every March, even when drunk morons on the river are screaming at us. I’ve been a lead dog, I’ve been in the back of the pack. Whatever. All I can tell you is I’ve never knowingly gobbled down any banned substance in my kibble or anywhere else. I’m not gonna name names but I’m pretty sure a cat did this.
O.H.M.: What do you think about the way the Iditarod board has handled these allegations?
Dog X: To be honest, I don’t think much about anything except when my next meal is coming, playing in the snow, and winning races. But as Dallas said, I think the board is trying to throw him under the bus—er, sled. Dallas is a fuckin’ legend and he’s not gonna fit under a sled!
O.H.M.: Have you ever tried tramadol [the banned substance for which Seavey’s dogs tested positive] for any reason?
Dog X: No, I like to tough it out. Everyone knows the opioid crisis in Alaska is out of control. The governor declared a state of emergency for Christ’s sake! Dogs are no exception and I know some dumb puppies who’ve tried it. I’m proud to say I’ve only ever chewed on a rawhide bone to get through the pain.
O.H.M.: What do you think about all the national attention this issue has received, specifically criticisms of the sport that emerge on an intermittent basis?
Dog X: To be perfectly honest, I don’t give two turds what the readership of the New York Times or PETA or anyone else thinks about me and my team and Dallas and Mitch and every other husky from Anchorage to Nome. When you’re out there on the trail, it’s just you, your team, the ghost of Balto, and a sled bag full of all the Rule 16 Mandatory Items including but not limited to a proper cold weather sleeping bag weighing a minimum of 5 pounds; an ax, to weigh a minimum of 1-3/4 pounds with a handle at least 22” long; one operational pair of snowshoes with bindings, each snowshoe to be at least 252 square inches; any promotional material provided by the Iditarod Trail Committee; eight booties for each dog in the sled on in use; one operational cooker and pot capable of boiling at least three gallons of water at one time; veterinarian notebook, to be presented to the veterinarian at each checkpoint; an adequate amount of fuel to bring three gallons of water to a boil; and cable gangline or cable tie out capable of securing a dog team.
O.H.M.: Wow, that was a lot of information for a dog to remember.
Dog X: We’re very smart and focused. And we’re not even on Adderall.
O.H.M.: Is there anything else you’d like the human public to know?
Dog X: Just that lots of folks think they know about mushing and they really don’t. I don’t know anything about it either, since I’m just a dog. I do know I hate snow machines though. I think you people might call them snow mobiles? Whatever they’re called, they’re loud AF. Also if it’s really true that Dallas isn’t going to race us next year, I’ll probably try to make as many pups as possible, assuming I haven’t been fixed.
O.H.M.: So let’s just cut to the chase, so to speak. Is there any truth to these allegations?
Dog X: Look, I’m gonna have to back my musher 100% on this, just as I do out on the trail every March, even when drunk morons on the river are screaming at us. I’ve been a lead dog, I’ve been in the back of the pack. Whatever. All I can tell you is I’ve never knowingly gobbled down any banned substance in my kibble or anywhere else. I’m not gonna name names but I’m pretty sure a cat did this.
O.H.M.: What do you think about the way the Iditarod board has handled these allegations?
Dog X: To be honest, I don’t think much about anything except when my next meal is coming, playing in the snow, and winning races. But as Dallas said, I think the board is trying to throw him under the bus—er, sled. Dallas is a fuckin’ legend and he’s not gonna fit under a sled!
O.H.M.: Have you ever tried tramadol [the banned substance for which Seavey’s dogs tested positive] for any reason?
Dog X: No, I like to tough it out. Everyone knows the opioid crisis in Alaska is out of control. The governor declared a state of emergency for Christ’s sake! Dogs are no exception and I know some dumb puppies who’ve tried it. I’m proud to say I’ve only ever chewed on a rawhide bone to get through the pain.
O.H.M.: What do you think about all the national attention this issue has received, specifically criticisms of the sport that emerge on an intermittent basis?
Dog X: To be perfectly honest, I don’t give two turds what the readership of the New York Times or PETA or anyone else thinks about me and my team and Dallas and Mitch and every other husky from Anchorage to Nome. When you’re out there on the trail, it’s just you, your team, the ghost of Balto, and a sled bag full of all the Rule 16 Mandatory Items including but not limited to a proper cold weather sleeping bag weighing a minimum of 5 pounds; an ax, to weigh a minimum of 1-3/4 pounds with a handle at least 22” long; one operational pair of snowshoes with bindings, each snowshoe to be at least 252 square inches; any promotional material provided by the Iditarod Trail Committee; eight booties for each dog in the sled on in use; one operational cooker and pot capable of boiling at least three gallons of water at one time; veterinarian notebook, to be presented to the veterinarian at each checkpoint; an adequate amount of fuel to bring three gallons of water to a boil; and cable gangline or cable tie out capable of securing a dog team.
O.H.M.: Wow, that was a lot of information for a dog to remember.
Dog X: We’re very smart and focused. And we’re not even on Adderall.
O.H.M.: Is there anything else you’d like the human public to know?
Dog X: Just that lots of folks think they know about mushing and they really don’t. I don’t know anything about it either, since I’m just a dog. I do know I hate snow machines though. I think you people might call them snow mobiles? Whatever they’re called, they’re loud AF. Also if it’s really true that Dallas isn’t going to race us next year, I’ll probably try to make as many pups as possible, assuming I haven’t been fixed.
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