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Title : War Crimes Against Denim
link : War Crimes Against Denim
War Crimes Against Denim
I had to do a LOT (okay fine, ten seconds) of research to make sure this wasn’t FAKE NEWS and it seems—erm, seams—it is not.
A Japanese designer named Thibaut has just pulled the ultimate Emperor’s New Clothes at Tokyo Fashion Week with these “thong jeans.”
You have to be super high concept to get these, but since I’m not high concept, I’m just gonna go ahead and call these a war crime against denim that merits prosecution at The Hague.
Before I get to the jeans though, let me just say that I know clear glasses frames are on trend. What I didn’t realize, however, is that the star of my mother-in-law’s calisthenics VHS home workout tapes from 1989 has embarked on a second career as a high fashion runway model.
We can’t all afford high fashion though, so here’s a step-by-step guide to making these jeans yourself at home:
1. Buy a pair of light wash jeans from Old Navy for $39.
2. Scroll through some Trump tweets while sitting on hold with the IRS until you’re good and mad.
3. Channel your rage into a set of poultry shears and go to town on the jeans while blasting P!nk’s greatest hits.
4. Discard 85% of the denim material to use for scrapbooking and your daughter’s Barbies later.
5. Take the remaining 15% and somehow step into it.
6. Walk out in public.
7. Wait for the police to ask if you’ve been in some sort of accident or perhaps mauled by an animal.
8. Convince the police you’re not a vulnerable adult who’s escaped from a psychiatric inpatient facility.
9. Turn around and run home as fast as your ironic Reeboks will carry you.
10. Try not to snag yourself on a fire hydrant or park bench as you go.
The End.
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