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Title : Tyrannosaurus Rex Takes on the Harvey Weinstein Dinosaur Defense
link : Tyrannosaurus Rex Takes on the Harvey Weinstein Dinosaur Defense
Tyrannosaurus Rex Takes on the Harvey Weinstein Dinosaur Defense
“[Harvey Weinstein] is an old dinosaur learning new ways.”
--Lisa Bloom, attorney for Harvey Weinstein, October 6, 2017
Bill Cosby. Harvey Weinstein. Charlie Sheen. Lately, it feels like every old man from the silver screen to your dime-a-dozen VP of pencil sharpening in Nowheresville, USA is actually a longtime sexual harasser/assailant who has, until now, never been called out publicly on his misconduct.
Now, I don’t claim to speak for every species of dinosaur when I say this, but my name means “king” in Latin, and I’m one of the most well-represented and archetypal of the large theropods with a wide range across Laramidia (which includes present day Hollywood) during the Late Cretaceous period.
So I feel I’m in a unique position to say that I am bone-tired of being compared to old man sexual harassers.
See for yourself! My bones are on display in many museums. And I now call on Homo Sapiens to retire the “dinosaur defense” forever. A time period, by the way, with which I’m intimately familiar, because I’m extinct.
You know what’s NOT extinct, though? Human males’ entitlement to human womens’ bodies. That’s decidedly alive and well. And let me just say that I do not appreciate being compared to serial sexual offenders.
Look. I’ll be the first to admit it.
According to paleontologists who have studied me, I was a hollow-boned bipedal carnivore, scavenger, and apex predator with a massive skull—one of the largest land carnivores of all time, in fact.
You know what’s NOT extinct, though? Human males’ entitlement to human womens’ bodies. That’s decidedly alive and well. And let me just say that I do not appreciate being compared to serial sexual offenders.
Look. I’ll be the first to admit it.
According to paleontologists who have studied me, I was a hollow-boned bipedal carnivore, scavenger, and apex predator with a massive skull—one of the largest land carnivores of all time, in fact.
No one can say I wasn’t smart enough or liked meat enough to act like Harvey Weinstein.
But have you seen my arms? They were arguably vestigial and scientists still don’t understand their purpose. I have no comment on the theory that they were used to hold struggling prey, but that's irrelevant anyway, because I NEVER grabbed women’s breasts or asses against their will.
But have you seen my arms? They were arguably vestigial and scientists still don’t understand their purpose. I have no comment on the theory that they were used to hold struggling prey, but that's irrelevant anyway, because I NEVER grabbed women’s breasts or asses against their will.
Not just because human women were eons away from existing, but also because my more robust morph was female, not male! Bet you didn't know that, did you!?
I of all dinosaurs know the pressures of fame. I’m one of the best-known dinosaurs of the 20th century and have been featured in countless films, television shows, and toys. And yet I managed to stay out of trouble. While I occasionally resorted to cannibalism, my main concern was strategic deployment of infectious saliva to neutralize prey. Plus, I typically died within six years of reaching sexual maturity due to the stress of reproduction.
I of all dinosaurs know the pressures of fame. I’m one of the best-known dinosaurs of the 20th century and have been featured in countless films, television shows, and toys. And yet I managed to stay out of trouble. While I occasionally resorted to cannibalism, my main concern was strategic deployment of infectious saliva to neutralize prey. Plus, I typically died within six years of reaching sexual maturity due to the stress of reproduction.
One paleontologist said that I “lived fast and died young.” I didn't "live like a criminal, age poorly, and die ashamed and alone and hopefully in prison." Like Billy Joel said, only the good die young. Despite my monstrous reputation, I was good!
I’ll thank you to refrain from suggesting otherwise.
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