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Title : The #BooHoo Movement is Underway
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The #BooHoo Movement is Underway

I think the standards for television have lowered a bit, because I just learned that disgraced CBS anchor Charlie Rose is purportedly shopping a #MeToo redemption series, in which he plans to interview other high profile men who got #MeToo’d and have a good long cry about how unfair it all was.

In other words, this would be like a “comeback-apology-redemption-tour” for rich, famous, sexually abusive men who got caught abusing and harassing women, and suffered professional consequences, and for which the public is supposed to absolve them and restore them to their former glory not one year later.

There’s a hashtag for this: #BooHoo.

The #BooHoo movement—which I think maybe I just coined (not sure)?—is more than just famous dudes trying to “un-MeToo” themselves, though. Since I made it up, I’m going to apply #BooHoo to all men who end up suffering the consequences of their own misogyny and malfeasance.

You see, it is so UNFAIR and UNBELIEVABLE that a MAN would not be able to get a SECOND CHANCE at MAKING LOTSA MONEY and allowing his GENIUS to flourish after RAPING someone or SEXUALLY VIOLATING them, because isn’t this AMERICA? And what happened to INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY? Except wait . . . that standard is for criminal trials, and none of these dudes (except Bill Cosby) have been convicted (much less tried) for any crime, to my knowledge, despite having gotten away with lots of them. And NATCH, no one cares about all the genius and contributions these men took from the women they abused, raped, and harassed.

The thing of it is, we all have a short attention span, especially now. So the fact is these men probably WILL make a comeback. Forgotten will be the women who bravely came forward with their stories. They’ll be shoved aside, and Louis C.K. and Matt Lauer and all the rest will have successfully waited out the clock in the public shame/#MeToo penalty box, and go back to being rich and famous "geniuses" again.

And as for the women?

Well, the women will go back to knowing what they always have: which is that nothing they say and nothing they do and nothing that happens to them actually fucking matters in the end. They’ll return to the certainty that our patriarchy cares more about rehabilitating a rich white man’s career than it does about meting out any form of justice—poetic or otherwise—to the men who helped themselves to women’s bodies. For women’s bodies, after all, are their entitlement and their birthright.

The deadly culmination of the #BooHoo movement is “incel culture,” to which that dude who mowed down a bunch of people in Toronto this week subscribed. Zach Beauchamp over at Vox has a good breakdown of incel culture, but basically it’s more Boo-Hooery, only scarier and deadlier.

Per the Vox report, “involuntary celibates” have “an elaborate sociopolitical explanation for their sexual failures, one that centers on the idea that women are shallow, vicious, and only attracted to hyper-muscular men.” Branches of the incel movement encourage violence against women as retaliation for depriving them of the sex they are owed. “What we’re seeing right now,” Beauchamp writes, “is one of society’s oldest hatreds, misogyny, being reworked in real time to fit a specific group of men’s rage and pain.”

Which is what it all comes down to in the end, isn’t it? MEN's rage. MEN's pain. MEN'S tears, because WOMEN.

Both the incels and the soon-to-be-rehabbed MeTooers are all just part of a whole #BooHoo narrative that says when men feel bad about themselves, it’s a woman’s job to fix that bad feeling. Not therapy, not medicine, not introspection, or ownership, or responsibility, or self-reflection. Not really, no. Vagina. That’s the only answer. The only just solution is executing on these dudes’ rightful entitlement to women’s bodies.

Let’s be clear about one thing: women’s bodies are the stock-in-trade of #MeToo, incel, and now #BooHoo. Famous (and not famous) men felt entitled to women’s bodies, and spent their whole careers taking what they wanted. When #MeToo put (let’s be honest) what is likely a very temporary stop to that, whose fault was it? 

Why women’s, of course!

And when women now insist that these transgressions not be easily forgotten, and that their abusers be made to suffer at least some form of permanent consequences because of those violations, they are not giving men the second chance they deserve, because why? Because these were never really transgressions at all. 

These men were entitled to women’s bodies all along, and it’s not FAIR that someone said otherwise. And when men are sad and depressed, it’s because women won’t fuck them, and the only solution is to murder people.

You know what’s unfair? Literally everything that happens to women’s careers and bodies every single fucking day of their lives. Men need to get straight on this.

Boo fucking hoo.

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