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Calling NYC 311 About a Downed Tree at 3:22 a.m. with My Dad in the Car Went as Expected - Hallo friendsWord comes, In the article you read this time with the title Calling NYC 311 About a Downed Tree at 3:22 a.m. with My Dad in the Car Went as Expected, We have prepared this article for you to read and retrieve information therein. Hopefully the contents of postings Article economy, Article general, Article health, Article News, Article politics, Article sports, We write this you can understand. Alright, good read.

Title : Calling NYC 311 About a Downed Tree at 3:22 a.m. with My Dad in the Car Went as Expected
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Calling NYC 311 About a Downed Tree at 3:22 a.m. with My Dad in the Car Went as Expected

Me: *dials 311 on speaker from passenger seat*

Cheery Female Robot: Hello! Thank you for calling 311! We’re here to help! If this is an emergency, please hang up and dial 911. Otherwise, press 1 to continue in English. Press 2 for other languages.

Me: *presses 1*

Robot: Okay. Let’s get started. What can I help you with? Say what you need, like, “jackhammer noise” or “left violin in cab” or “tax preparation.”

Me: Tree in road.

Dad: *from driver’s seat* Tell her where it is.

Robot: I’m sorry, I didn’t get that.

Me: *speaking slowly and loudly, as if to a half-deaf moron* THERE’S A DOWNED TREE ON THE RAMP TO THE OUTBOUND GWB AND IT’S BLOCKING THE ROUTE TO THE BRIDGE AND YOU CAN BARELY GET AROUND IT AND IT’S GONNA CAUSE A HUGE TRAFFIC JAM IN ABOUT TWO HOURS.

Dad: Tell her Riverside Drive.

Me: Oh my God. ON RIVERSIDE DRIVE.

Robot: We seem to be having trouble. Let’s try this again.

Me: Let’s not. *smashes 0 on keypad 100x*

Robot: Okay, please wait while I transfer you to a representative. This call may be recorded for quality assurance purposes.

Me: *hold music* No good deed goes unpunished.

Dad: *cackles uproariously*

Surly Human Female With Thick NY Accent (SHFWTNYA): 311 can I help joo?

Me: Yeah, I’m just trying to report a tree in the road.

SHFWTNYA: Okay ma’mm dass gon’ be department a parks and recreation so lemme trans—

Me: No seriously I’m just trying to stop a big traffic jam because there’s a tree in the road.

SHFWTNYA: Okay where’s the tree at ma’mm?

Me: Riverside Drive outbound ramp to the GWB.

SHFWTNYA: Okay ma’mm is it like a limba da tree or wha happen?

Me: No it’s like the whole tree. I think it blew over in the storm last night. It’s lying across the road.

SHFWTNYA: Okay it’s lying IN the road? 

Me: Yes.

SHFWTNYA: Oh dass gon cause a yooge backup in a coupleah howahs.

Me: DASSWHATIMSAYIN!

SHFWTNYA: You know wha? Imma bring in 911 on dis, cuz dis sound like a hazard.

Me: DASSWHATIMSAYIN! *hold music*

Dad: *now collapsing over steering wheel in hysterics as he passes Kearney exit on the NJ Turnpike*

911 SHFWTNYA: 911 what’s your emergency?

Me: Well it’s not really an emerg—

911 SHFWTNYA: I can’t hear you m’aam. Wasssa address?

Dad: Tell her 1051 Riverside Drive.

Me: 1051 Riverside Drive.

911: SHFWTNYA: Wha happen?

Me: Okay, so there’s a tree in the road ...

Thus Article Calling NYC 311 About a Downed Tree at 3:22 a.m. with My Dad in the Car Went as Expected

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