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Title : 25 Ways to Celebrate Alaska Day
link : 25 Ways to Celebrate Alaska Day
25 Ways to Celebrate Alaska Day
It’s Alaska Day! We’re a real, honest to God STATE OF THE UNION! We’re not owned by Russia anymore! SUPPOSEDLY!
Here are 25 ways to celebrate:
1. Fix your car bumper with duct tape.
2. Call your friend to see if she’s heard from your husbands who are socked in on an island somewhere in the middle of nowhere hunting ungulates.
3. Go to a store that should be open, but isn’t for some reason.
4. Treat yourself to a new pair of Dansko clogs or Xtra Tuffs.
5. Get into a fight with a neighbor over Ballot Measure One.
6. Listen to some crappy bluegrass while cleaning your guns.
7. See if you can get Alaska Airlines to give you 20,000 miles for no reason.
8. Chop wood like you’re the goddamned ant in that Ant and the Grasshopper fable.
9. Brush up on your Russian. You might need it again sooner than you think!
10. Log into your bank account and marvel that your PFD went out as fast as it went in.
11. Believe a woman, maybe?
12. Visit the Post Office just because you can.
13. Vacuum up 16 lbs of dog hair with a shop vac.
14. Use every power tool in your garage.
15. Murder some slugs.
16. Declare something to be Skookum.
17. Indulge in opioid crisis-related ennui.
18. Sign up to bring juice or mixed nuts to your office potluck.
19. Chew some tabacky.
20. Eat weed; reorganize your chest freezer.
21. Go check your crab pots. Find nothing but rotting hot dogs.
22. Read the comments on the ADN. Smash your keyboard with your forehead.
23. Argue with a climate change denier. Yell, “DO THE MATH!,” even though you suck at math.
24. Contract giardia.
25. Two words: burning pallets.
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